Tag: gender

Thai-Style “Safe Sex”

I have noticed that many adult Thais living in Bangkok are sexually active, which is good. Though the level of knowledge about sexual health or safer sex is debatable.  

Condoms and most contraceptives are available at local pharmacy and convenient stores, such as 7-11 but I have yet to see the femidom (Female Condom). So accessibility is not a concern for those who can afford the off-the-rack condoms and warm-me-down lubricants in an imaginative dildo-like container.

The working class, the self-employed man who operates the street food stall, seems to know about condom usage, how to use one and NOT to wash a used condom to be reused later. Some have also resorted to using amulets and charms around their necks with condoms for “triple protection.” Elbow jabbing, proud grins or laughter follows with such a declaration.  

Yet when I speak to men, transgenders and women about safer sex in detail, opinions vary and there is a growing ignorance of diseases – HIV and unplanned pregnancy seems to be the only two items on their list. Safer sex to many is about using a condom when fucking. Quite frustrating that on an average, people are still unaware of their bodily fluid and the dangerous non-fucking exchanges. 

As you are aware, sexually transmitted infections (STI) can take place in most sexual activity between two (or more) partners at the same time, though masturbating in front of your partner(s) is the safest – provided there is no contact of erupting “bodily liquid” (such as sperm). 

I spoke to few adolescents who believed that sex without a condom with their close friends (“fuck buddies”) is safe; coitus interruptus method is used though some would resort to washing with soapy water after the boys had cum inside. As it is, I’ve documented over 46 cases of such behaviors and practices among adolescents.

Though such behaviors are also common among adults, regardless of their sexuality. Many look at the profession of their partners, and that seems to influence whether a condom is needed or not. Thus you may be seen as intellectually “safe” if you’re a member of the academic circles or if you’re rich. 

Among heterosexuals, men have a habit of insisting (or using persuasion) not to use condoms before fucking. Women have mentioned to me their frustration at trying to negotiate – many times women end up persuading the male partners to use it. Some end up accepting sex without condoms, the men stopping briefly to use the condom when they feel the sensation to ejaculate.

I can write a book about this, of stories about the challenges women go through, and the outrageous demands of men in fucking unsafely. Though I won’t… not at this time.

Women tell me that Thai men prefer more than one sex partner. Its common for a married woman to discover that her husband is fucking her best friend, or his colleague. And according to men, its the same for Thai women. Alas an endless cycle of fucks and sucks to a relationship. 

I’m a non-judgmental person, especially when it comes to sexual health and activity. Do what you want, its your body and mind, but practice safe sex. 

Read more about sex safe from various sources (though the information is generally the same): 

 

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Unearthly beauty of a woman

What is natural beauty? What makes women stand above those mired in civilised fashion-worship?

Certainly beauty is the ability to bend the cosmos to serve your will, but even a half-baked carpenter can force wood to serve her needs.

Certainly natural beauty is the power to do what others cannot but any coffee-licking rich brat in a thin bright dress can do more than this.

It is the command of the ineffable, of the simplicity and of the ingredients of sensuality — the command of all this through those parting lips followed by that incredible smile.

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Men just want to have fun? Or just want to have sex?

Age. That single factor sometimes determine whether you are into sex. Many of us have read ten or more articles about sex, sexuality, sexual health, and some nonsense-of-a-sexual-health-expert of how to psychoanalyze yourself and your sex partner.  How often do you read about sex or watch porn to learn more about the various positions for  intercourse? Yes we all know men are different than women, and I know a few people who would refuse to see and associate the different character traits of gender before, during and after sex. Or maybe not just a “few” but many.

Many men deny this but men have sex with the eventual, popular goal of orgasm. OK, maybe it is not accurate for me to say “many”; for the most part, when a man has sex his most significant aim is orgasm. He does whatever it takes before and during sex to achieve it. But then again, men are not like that, are we? Don’t you think men, or a handful of men (Hahaha), are into sex for the sheer experience of what sex is all about? We men, or I in this case, seek more than just orgasm in sex. I desire the intimacy, the closeness and the fragrance and the smile.

Many of you find that difficult to believe and understand, I am sure. Men are not monsters, though some may be fiendish sex partners who believes in a buffet of sex acts.

I do not believe that sex is just about and all about fucking. It’s never too late to learn that sex is not what you read or see, sex is an experience to be nurtured, and most importantly to be discussed in a casual candid way. So regardless of your age, take my advise, talk to your partner about sex. Making an informed decision about sex may just determine your level of maturity and expertise and understanding of your partner(s).

Grow up. Now.

 

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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You have my attention, dear. I suggest you do not waste my time

Finally. So you are familiar with the rules of engagement. Satisfied with your knowledge about your lover. OK. Good for you, I guess, though I don’t believe you should pat yourself on the back, or even giggle in victory. Yes, we are still on the topic of relationships.

At first glance, you and your lover are comfortable with each other, snuggling close, trading tender kisses, after that unavoidable, highly-anticipated argument. I am sure you are taking an extra step to make promises that such a useless argument would not occur. Things look fine until you realise that days later your partner seems to be avoiding your eyes, leaving the house without kissing you goodbye, resisting at the approach of intimacy, half-hearted smile, or even keeping ghastly quiet.

At this point, there is not “point” that you start another argument. Your partner quietly accepts your rampage. Odd, bizarre. Yes. As if that was not enough, you suddenly realise that your partner did not bother to respond to your gentle inquiries even when you say it in such a loving, understanding tone. It is as if your lover is saying, “You have my attention, dear. I suggest you do not waste my time.”

Daunting? Naturally so. Welcome to the world of relationships.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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How relationships hide the dark whispers of your inner-self

The heart knows many dark secrets of life, and whispers tempting promises to the soul. A human being spends time listening or ignoring the whispering. In a relationship, the person succumbs to the distraction of affection and attention, caring little or ignoring the whispers. The complexity of a relationship does mute the inner-struggle and offers a brief solitude from the nagging heart. At times, a relationship is merely an opportunity, and an excuse, for such luxury of distractions, and silence.

More like running away from the reality of living, of working out the mechanics of your conscience. There are relationships that depend on mere presence alone (of being with his lover), just to ensure that one doesn’t have to hear the whispering. Should he talk about his insecurity, his dilemma and his nagging compulsion? Should he open and share his heart to her, hoping desperately to find understanding and acceptance?

People must come to terms that having a companion, or a lover, to compensate the whispering is not a good start. Communication may be the best, but for that to happen your partner needs to listen. Such whispering should not be endured alone, cornered and battered, and feeling outrageously self-isolated.

Your heart doesn’t have to be invisible, you can let it go, talk to your lover, your companion, your listening friend.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Do Men Care About Violence Against Women

A girl files suit after sexual abuse from a cop reveals a departmental pattern; what is with authority figures using sex to dominate others?

Teen Girl Forced to Give Cop Oral Sex — What the Sick Abuse of Authority Says About Our Rape Culture

The reality is that there are many bad fuckers out there. Violence against women does not fit any generic pattern. It can affect anyone and everyone. Regardless of the age, nationality, or sexuality of the woman. We have seen an increase of violent cases of women and girls being molested, sexually assaulted, abused and raped. There seems no end to this.

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Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Rights of Women & Children in ASEAN

“The ASEAN Leaders inaugurated the ASEAN Commission on the Promotion and Protection of the Rights of Women and Children (ACWC) on 07 April 2010 in Hanoi, Vietnam. “The establishment of the ACWC represents the common will of the ASEAN Leaders enshrined in the Vientiane Action Programme in 2004 and the roadmap for the ASEAN Community for 2009-2015,” said Vietnam PM Nguyen Tan Dung in a speech delivered at the inauguration. He added that the creation of the ACWC will contribute greatly to the empowerment and participation of women and children especially in building an ASEAN Community. According to its ToR, the ACWC shall develop policies, programs and innovative strategies, and propose and promote appropriate mechanisms for the prevention of all forms of violations against the rights of women and children.” – Human Rights Herald, ASEAN July 2010 Issue

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Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Fucking ourselves with the Kama Sutra

Weeks ago, I was busy indulging myself with four women, over strong black coffee, on the smashing topic of Kama Sutra, 9-inch strap-on dildos, and sex positions. Oh yes, we spoke as articulately as possible, keeping checks on the occasional rasping breath, crooked sly smiles, and dazed eyes imagining something exotic as a double penetration mind-fucks. All in all, the discussion was completely liberating, coupled with more sighs and licking of dry lips.

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Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Follow Me:
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Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Thailand
This work by Moui is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Thailand.
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