Tag: relationships

Thai-Style “Safe Sex”

I have noticed that many adult Thais living in Bangkok are sexually active, which is good. Though the level of knowledge about sexual health or safer sex is debatable.  

Condoms and most contraceptives are available at local pharmacy and convenient stores, such as 7-11 but I have yet to see the femidom (Female Condom). So accessibility is not a concern for those who can afford the off-the-rack condoms and warm-me-down lubricants in an imaginative dildo-like container.

The working class, the self-employed man who operates the street food stall, seems to know about condom usage, how to use one and NOT to wash a used condom to be reused later. Some have also resorted to using amulets and charms around their necks with condoms for “triple protection.” Elbow jabbing, proud grins or laughter follows with such a declaration.  

Yet when I speak to men, transgenders and women about safer sex in detail, opinions vary and there is a growing ignorance of diseases – HIV and unplanned pregnancy seems to be the only two items on their list. Safer sex to many is about using a condom when fucking. Quite frustrating that on an average, people are still unaware of their bodily fluid and the dangerous non-fucking exchanges. 

As you are aware, sexually transmitted infections (STI) can take place in most sexual activity between two (or more) partners at the same time, though masturbating in front of your partner(s) is the safest – provided there is no contact of erupting “bodily liquid” (such as sperm). 

I spoke to few adolescents who believed that sex without a condom with their close friends (“fuck buddies”) is safe; coitus interruptus method is used though some would resort to washing with soapy water after the boys had cum inside. As it is, I’ve documented over 46 cases of such behaviors and practices among adolescents.

Though such behaviors are also common among adults, regardless of their sexuality. Many look at the profession of their partners, and that seems to influence whether a condom is needed or not. Thus you may be seen as intellectually “safe” if you’re a member of the academic circles or if you’re rich. 

Among heterosexuals, men have a habit of insisting (or using persuasion) not to use condoms before fucking. Women have mentioned to me their frustration at trying to negotiate – many times women end up persuading the male partners to use it. Some end up accepting sex without condoms, the men stopping briefly to use the condom when they feel the sensation to ejaculate.

I can write a book about this, of stories about the challenges women go through, and the outrageous demands of men in fucking unsafely. Though I won’t… not at this time.

Women tell me that Thai men prefer more than one sex partner. Its common for a married woman to discover that her husband is fucking her best friend, or his colleague. And according to men, its the same for Thai women. Alas an endless cycle of fucks and sucks to a relationship. 

I’m a non-judgmental person, especially when it comes to sexual health and activity. Do what you want, its your body and mind, but practice safe sex. 

Read more about sex safe from various sources (though the information is generally the same): 

 

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Behind the Torment

Hitherto your eyes haven soften and you have looked too much, yes, far too much, upon the things of earth; the sorrow, the pain, the misery. If these so much torment you, beyond belief, what shall be your rapture when you lift your gaze to things of joy hiding in the chest of mankind.

 

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Amusing Behavior: Tantrums in Bangkok

Temper tantrums in adults can, surely, be an early sign of mental illness and emotional problems. I don’t see much of that, with the people that I meet on a daily basis. The Thais are fond of smiling, or more often, merely remain silent in the face of a stubborn situation. Temper? Not much.

However I noticed a misbehavior pattern, common among some politicians and all wannabes, regardless of their political color and business affiliation – ranging from IT consultants to local suppliers of products and services. These people are prone to back-biting betrayal, which is also common in many countries, not just in Thailand (… or more like Bangkok).

I have seen Thais betray colleagues and former coworkers for a swing at money, doing what they can to secure a project even if they have to step on the heads of people. The intellectual community are also included in this equation. Amusing. Really.

As the government expedites programs on flood prevention, I had noticed people rushing for ‘participation’ in the national strategy. Oh I am not talking about the spirit of volunteerism. Instead, people are looking for a quick profit at the expense of others, especially with the upcoming, highly anticipated flood. And whats worse (for me that is), these individuals claim to represent NGOs and non-profit platforms. Their version of ‘doing good for society’ … I had noticed this last year when I was in a flooded-Bangkok in November.

Such behaviors are disgusting. Simply because when one is keen to help others during natural disasters, one should not be thinking (and scheming) about profitability at the expense of the poor and the miserable. But then again, as some may say, “This is Thailand” and to do the “Thai-style” … ah yes, whatever you bloody moron.

While the intellectual community in Bangkok work themselves to a frenzy to solve simple issues with complex solutions (somewhat like a mind-fuck fest among the educated), and the “community” representatives claim to do their work for the “benefits of the marginalized” … the element of humanity is still in the pisspot of redundancy.

Tantrums surface only so briefly, but the persistent rage of hypocrisy eats away at their intelligence, turning greed into honey, with every act of betrayal. Stupefied. Really.

 

 

 

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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A break-up: Sadness grips your friend, so what do you do?

The delicate matters of the heart. People seem to be an expert on relationships nowadays. Some are bold to provide an endless supply of recommendations, and many merely expect to show tough-love to retaliate; But nearly all have no clue to what they are saying or doing.

Yes, people usually give advice based on their own experiences:- an ugly encounter with an (unfaithful) ex-boyfriend, or based on a screaming match with a anxiety-enraged ex-girlfriend for some obscene and ungodly reason or another. Nevertheless you will find no comfort in the lectures by obnoxious friends who biasly try to offer “comfort” ~ merely by spitting forth words that would do more harm than good. But then again, you know that don’t you?

A missing element of comforting your friend who had just escaped from the clutches of a horrible argument is simply the art of listening. People do tend to forget that managing or coping with unhappiness and grief starts with listening. So the next time your friend calls you in the middle of the night, crying her heart out, shut your mouth and listen.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Relationships, something we run away from & yet embrace it in the end

Relationships; many would easily say that relationships come and go, as easily as the breeze on a gloomy day. Others believe relationships go beyond the endurance of life, it stays deeply in your heart, beyond death.

Relationships; a deeply subjective, organic issue. It grows every week, it dies every year – and yet we embrace it, taunt it, yell at it, and smile at it. A never-ending cycle of emotions, thus making relationships a completely chaotic enigma, wrapped in a triple dose of unreadable mystery.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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You have my attention, dear. I suggest you do not waste my time

Finally. So you are familiar with the rules of engagement. Satisfied with your knowledge about your lover. OK. Good for you, I guess, though I don’t believe you should pat yourself on the back, or even giggle in victory. Yes, we are still on the topic of relationships.

At first glance, you and your lover are comfortable with each other, snuggling close, trading tender kisses, after that unavoidable, highly-anticipated argument. I am sure you are taking an extra step to make promises that such a useless argument would not occur. Things look fine until you realise that days later your partner seems to be avoiding your eyes, leaving the house without kissing you goodbye, resisting at the approach of intimacy, half-hearted smile, or even keeping ghastly quiet.

At this point, there is not “point” that you start another argument. Your partner quietly accepts your rampage. Odd, bizarre. Yes. As if that was not enough, you suddenly realise that your partner did not bother to respond to your gentle inquiries even when you say it in such a loving, understanding tone. It is as if your lover is saying, “You have my attention, dear. I suggest you do not waste my time.”

Daunting? Naturally so. Welcome to the world of relationships.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Relationship: A combo dose of mental masturbation & psychotic behaviour

Bizarre but true: Healthy relationships are based on a combo dose of mental masturbation and psychotic love-affair drama. We cannot do without this double pleasure-cum-pain. Our partners are mysterious figures, sometimes we are inflicted by the madness of lust and frustration, circumnavigating in a chaotic manner around the personalities.

Some would say a healthy relationship is based on unpredictability, the character jigsaw of random behaviours. Being unpredictable seems to excite lovers, naturally within certain limits of course; and the moment your partner becomes predictable then the relationship grows stale. I am good in almost anything, although I prefer the anarchy state of affair, sometimes uncaring (thankfully!) on the erratic mood swings. I think my expectations of a (my) lover is based on honesty, rather than the ultimate declaration of loyalty (‘loyalty’ sounds more like slavery than anything). My flaws are numerous, and my past experience with women have been… quite random and … well it is still a mystery to me… sometimes 🙂

When you are in a relationship, or merely into quickies or chance one-off-passionate flings, your brain scans emotional memories. When it detects a memory trail with a strong sensual emotion, your brain construct basic needs around your lover or sex-mate. Casual contact such touching, or arousing senses like sniffing, smiling, becomes an affectionate oddity, something that you do not mind repeating in public. I do enjoy these and more, my personal favourite is hugging. I love hugging my girlfriend at random moments, constantly Hahaha We both do.

At times, our relationship is taken on the next level of confrontation, with angry words. Heated debates are not as bad, as we always have tender moments after the mud-slinging fights or exchange of angry words. We both enjoy and appreciate our honesty.

Maturity is not based on a refined perception that a relationship must be controllable or manageable. If that was the case, I would sooner and rather date a blow-up doll than live in such predictable, stale union. Maturity is about appreciating your partner in the best, honest possible sense; despite the mood swings and misunderstandings. I am a complex animal, with a multi-dimensional mind and a passionate rage, and my girlfriend is the same. Not scary at all, trust me. My admiration and lust for her character traits snowballs into what I call “Love” ~ it is bizarre, I know, but then I am odd, and she accepts me for who I am.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Misunderstandings, Why, Oh Why!

Misunderstandings.

Why? Oh Hell, no one really knows for sure, “why”. Could it be blamed on one person who’s hormones are berserk? Or could it be blamed on the other one who’s stubbornness, and refusal to back down?

Who cares why? The fact is misunderstandings do happen. It happens at a high frequency, as often as the guard dogs barking, or the two wild cats hissing at each other.

What’s important is that both parties continue talking, if that fails, which it often does, then resort to taking a 5-minute break to calm the nerves and senses.

A 5-minute break from the madness of a confrontation or misunderstanding does help. It does, really. Some of you would say that it’s easier said than done. Why be so negative about it! Stop with such behaviour, and do enforce the 5-minute break.

Some guidelines, for you to take note of during the 5-minute break:

1. Don’t take this opportunity to re-think what was said, inaccurate or right.

2. Don’t start quoting what the other person said. You’ll look like a clown if you do.

3. Don’t (never) talk about the person’s ex, family members (dead or alive) in a poor, distasteful manner

4. In fact don’t talk at all!

5. Just take three deep breaths, exhale slowly. This should be done almost immediately when you stop talking, and remember to not take more than 1 minute on this exercise.

6. Don’t bloody delay the 5-minute break. Be precise.

7. Smile. None of that crooked, sarcastic smiles or weird, provoking grins.

8. Hold your partner’s hand on the 4th minute. Squeeze the hand gently, and none of that bullshit of a stiff hold or a death grip.

9. A hug! Do the damn hug!! A warm hug, and NOT a corpse’s hug. If you’re big enough, try the bear hug, and snuggle close.

So for God’s sake, for your sake or for the other person’s sake, do it now –> 5-minute break.

Now if you can excuse me, my own 5-minute break is almost up, my lover is waiting. Don’t glare at me, for my sake, I never said I was perfect.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Zashnain

An avid blogger, twitterer and photojournalist, Zashnain Zainal suffers from an incurable addiction to social work, helping marginalised communities since 1989. Nowadays he travels from the plantations of Malaysia to the slums of Thailand. He can be found at zashnain.com and @bedlamfury

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Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Thailand
This work by Moui is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Thailand.
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